I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Acid is not a monday night drug
I understand Curling. That high.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
