I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
