i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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