She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
