Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
