You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
