that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
did i walk over a car last night?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
