Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
