He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Its about making memories worth repressing
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
