the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
