We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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