Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
