Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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