just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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