Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
