hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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