I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
