I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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