Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
