someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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