Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You are the jesus of drinking
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
