that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
