haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
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you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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