I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
