I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
