): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
