she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
