If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
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He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
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Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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