Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
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i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
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I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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