This dress was meant to end up on your floor
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
