Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
