Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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