Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
