I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
