Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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