These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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