My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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