You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
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Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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