Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
