My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
