Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
