She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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