Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize