ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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