Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
