You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
