Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
