Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
