Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
