I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
