i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
