The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize