The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize