Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
