just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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