He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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