RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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