...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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