Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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