I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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