i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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