I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
