I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
