I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
