do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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