Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I have peed in a lot of sinks
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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