Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
the day after is always just damage control
i came on her dog
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
