I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
